Living with Auditory Processing Difficulties: A Personal Journey

Written by: Kanaka Sundhoro (NAPAA CTO)

What It’s Like to Process Sounds Differently

If you ever talk to me, chances are, my first response will be "Huh?" or "What?", even if I actually heard you. If my wife talks for a long time and I simply smile, she has no idea whether I got completely lost, never even got on board from the get-go, or just being my usual laid back self who’s never much of a talker to begin with.

The truth is, more often than not, I have no clue what she just said. I’ll be hyper-aware that her mouth is moving, but with each passing moment, I’m just panicking that I have no freaking idea what she’s talking about.

Auditory processing isn’t just about hearing sounds; it’s how our brain interprets and makes sense of them. It means understanding speech, distinguishing between sounds, and figuring out what’s being said in noisy environments. For me, and others with auditory processing challenges, the difficulty isn’t in hearing, but in sorting through the sounds in a way that makes sense. It’s like having to work harder than most people just to understand what’s being said.

A Lifelong Struggle That Went Unnoticed

Looking back, I’ve struggled with auditory processing difficulties my entire life, but I didn’t realise it until recent years. Growing up in Asia, where the focus is often on results and achievements, I was expected to perform at a high level, especially academically. Unfortunately, my struggles with processing spoken information led to low grades and frustration. 

I would often sit in class, hearing the teacher’s words, but somehow they didn’t fully register the way they did for others. I just thought I wasn’t “smart enough” or that I wasn’t trying hard enough, which added to the pressure of keeping up with everyone else. If I ask someone to repeat themselves, sometimes they’d repeat what they said very slowly, which I’d hate to admit, does help with my auditory processing - but what bothers me is them speaking to me as if I’m slow.

Work and Study Can Feel Like Mental Gymnastics

At work and back in university, the challenges don’t let up. Meetings and lectures often feel like a blur because it’s hard to process all the verbal information in real time. I remember many times in my previous roles, sitting in a meeting, hearing the words, but not fully grasping the meaning until much later. That delay makes it hard to participate, and it often feels like you’re a step behind. Taking notes or getting written summaries helps a lot, giving me time to go over the details at my own pace and reducing the stress of keeping up in the moment.

Despite these challenges, my brain works in ways that also provide strengths. Even though real-time auditory processing is difficult, I excel in organising and structuring information. In my previous role in operations, I created streamlined systems with spreadsheets and automated workflows, improving efficiency in processes like stocktake and logistics. Colleagues were often baffled about how I could complete those time-taking processes in half, or at times, even a third, of the time it’d take for others. 

Being able to process information spatially and systematically has allowed me to build structures that compensate for my struggles with verbal processing. While traditional communication can be difficult, my ability to see patterns and optimise workflows has been an asset in my career.

Everyday Conversations Can Be So Overwhelming

When you have auditory processing difficulties, conversations can feel like a constant uphill battle. Imagine being in a room full of people talking over each other, or trying to follow a fast-paced conversation with background noise all around. It’s mentally exhausting. Sometimes I have to strain to catch every word, and even then, I miss details. This creates confusion and frustration, especially in situations like phone calls or group discussions where everyone expects you to keep up.

One of the biggest struggles for me has been in my relationship with my wife. There were times when she thought I wasn’t listening, which would lead to tension and arguments. At first, I didn’t understand what was happening - I thought I was doing fine, but the truth was, I was missing pieces of the conversation, especially when there was background noise like sounds from the TV. 

Over time, I learned that this wasn’t about me not caring; it was just how my brain processed sound differently. That realisation has been a game-changer, not just for me, but for our relationship. Now, when I don’t catch something, I make an effort to let her know instead of nodding along and hoping for the best. It’s not always easy, but it helps to prevent miscommunication from spiralling.

The Emotional Toll of Auditory Processing Difficulties

The emotional side of living with these challenges is often overlooked, but it can be just as tough as the physical struggles. There are moments when I’ve felt completely isolated - like I’m on the outside of a conversation, watching everyone else connect while I’m left trying to catch up. It’s frustrating and embarrassing at times, especially when misunderstandings happen in front of others. Anxiety creeps in when I know a conversation is coming up, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to follow.

One of the most important things I’ve learned is the value of acknowledging this difficulty and communicating it to those around me. It’s not always easy, though - opening up about it is another massive barrier for me. For a long time, I was afraid of being judged or misunderstood, so I kept it to myself. 

However, letting people know what you’re going through can make a huge difference. With close friends and family, I’ve started being more upfront - letting them know that I sometimes need things repeated, or that background noise can make it really hard for me to process what’s being said.

That said, asking for help still isn’t easy. There’s a deep sense of shame attached to admitting that I didn’t catch what someone said - especially with my wife. I know that repeating herself constantly can feel frustrating for her, and I worry that she might feel unimportant if I miss something. That guilt often makes me hesitate to ask for clarification, even when I need it. But I remind myself that guessing wrong often leads to worse outcomes than just asking. Slowly, I’m working on catching that hesitation in the moment and overriding it.

Looking Back and Moving Forward

Living with auditory processing difficulties has shaped a lot of how I interact with the world. It hasn’t always been easy, but over time, I’ve learned that it’s not about fixing myself. It’s about understanding how my brain works differently and finding ways to adapt. Truth be told, I wouldn’t have thought of sharing my experience so publicly if I hadn’t joined the NAPAA team. I’d always thought, I do the work on myself, I grow, I learn - I don’t need to tell the world about it.

But writing this makes me realise that it does make a difference to break the silence about something. It can take away a lot of the power something holds over you. By sharing my experience, I hope others who face similar challenges feel less alone and can find ways that work for them, too.

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