Parenting While Neurodivergent: Navigating Challenges and Building Support

Written by: Jasmine K. Y. Loo (psychologist)

Parenting While Neurodivergent: Navigating Challenges and Building Support

Parenting is one of life’s most rewarding yet demanding journeys. For neurodivergent parents, the challenges can often feel amplified. In addition to the usual complexities of raising children, neurodivergent parents must navigate a world that often isn’t designed with their needs in mind. Supports can feel scarce, and the balance between personal needs and parenting responsibilities can seem elusive.

For many neurodivergent parents, there’s an added layer: parenting neurodivergent children whose profiles may match or clash with their own in a myriad of ways. This can create moments of incredible connection but also lead to unique challenges in understanding and managing each other’s needs.

Biggest Challenges Often Faced by Neurodivergent Parents

1. Sensory Overload

   Neurodivergent parents often experience sensory sensitivities. The constant noise, physical demands, and unpredictability of children can be an immensely heavy load on their sensory systems, leading to overwhelm, stress and burnout.

2. Depletion of Social Energy

   Social interactions, even with one’s own children or partner, can be draining for neurodivergent parents who may have limited social batteries. Parenting provides little opportunity for alone time (especially demand-free alone time gasp can you imagine that??), leaving many parents emotionally drained.

3. Executive Functioning Difficulties and Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)

   Tasks like meal planning, remembering school events, or keeping up with household chores can be especially challenging for parents with executive functioning difficulties and/or PDA, often leading to chronic feelings of inadequacy or parental guilt.

4. Feelings of Isolation

   Neurodivergent parents often feel misunderstood by other parents who might not share similar experiences. The notion of “perfect parenting” often perpetuated by media (e.g., portrayal of parenting as something that one would always enjoy, or parents who are always on top of things and organising regular play dates) definitely does not help. This can exacerbate a sense of isolation and reduce opportunities to connect with supportive communities.

Some Practical Strategies for Building Support

The following strategies are intended to offer general guidance for neurodivergent parents. However, every family's needs and circumstances are unique, and not all suggestions may be suitable for everyone. Please adapt these ideas to what works best for you and your situation and leave out what does not work for you.

1. Tapping Into Your Personal Support System

   • Partner Collaboration: Openly discuss parenting responsibilities with your spouse or partner. Identify each other’s strengths and agree on tasks that align with your abilities. For example, if one parent struggles with planning but thrives in hands-on caregiving, balance tasks accordingly.

   • Co-Parenting Solutions: If you’re co-parenting, set up a system that gives each parent dedicated breaks to recharge, even if it’s just an hour a day. Regular co-parenting therapy sessions with a qualified mental health professional can also help strengthen communication, set clear expectations, and create supportive structures for both parents and children.

   • Friends and Family: If you have some safe people in your close circle who are in the position to offer practical support, don’t hesitate to ask trusted friends or family members for help. Be specific with your requests, such as asking someone to watch the kids for an afternoon or help with school drop-offs.

2. Self-Care Strategies

   • Whenever possible, schedule intentional sensory breaks during the day, even if it means taking five minutes in a quiet room with noise-cancelling headphones. Setting reminders on your phone or smart watch can also be helpful.

   • Incorporate alone time into your routine—this could be as simple as getting up earlier or asking for alone time in the evenings.

Professional Supports for Neurodivergent Parents

1. Counselling and Therapy

   Seek therapists who are familiar with neurodivergence and neuro-affirming practices. They can help you develop strategies to manage sensory overload, improve communication within your family, and set boundaries.

2. Parenting Support Groups

   Joining a local or online group for neurodivergent parents can provide understanding, encouragement, and shared solutions. Organisations like Autism Spectrum Australia (Aspect) or ADHD Australia may have resources or recommendations for parent-specific support.

3. Occupational Therapy for the Family

   An occupational therapist can help create routines, reduce sensory triggers, and develop strategies to meet your family’s unique needs.

4. ND-Friendly Services and Resources

   In Australia, neurodivergent parents can tap into resources such as:

   • The National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS): For parents or children eligible for support, this can include funding for therapy, respite care, and assistive technologies.

   • NAPAA Directory: Once live, this will include neuro-affirming professionals such as therapists, coaches, and family counsellors who can provide tailored support.

   • Playgroups and Workshops: Look for playgroups or workshops specifically designed for neurodivergent parents and children, which may be more accommodating to sensory needs, and possibly providing neurodivergent parents with some well-needed break.

Final Thoughts

Parenting while neurodivergent is a journey filled with both challenges and strengths. You bring a unique perspective, creativity, and empathy to your role as a parent—qualities that can make a lasting positive impact on your children. By recognising your needs, leaning on your support system, and seeking professional help when necessary, you can create a parenting approach that works for you and your family. You are not alone, and there is a growing community ready to support you every step of the way.

Do you work with the neurodivergent community and are committed to the ongoing learning of neuro-affirming practices? Apply for a NAPAA professional membership today to access a growing library of member exclusive resources.